Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time...

To me, this post is someone's joy and curiosity shared through a well written piece. Everybody discover certain things at different stages of their lives. What's so bad about that?

Was able to bring a smile on my face. A good post. :)

Then I switched jobs and ended up in Canary Wharf. For those who don't know it, Canary Wharf is a newly built finance district in the London Docklands. If you've been to Singapore, Dubai, La Defense in Paris or Songdo in Korea, you know the kind of place. Everything is clean, new, modern. Everything has 90 degree angles. Everything has cameras, security guards and cleaning stuff. What it doesn't have is any resemblance of a real city, any organicity or soul.

I hated it. Every morning I saw the streams of suite dressed worker drones pouring from the tube directly into their office towers (Canary Wharf has a huge underground shopping mall/railway station that allows you to go from the subway directly into your office without ever seeing the sun).

I was unhappy. So I did similar things to the OP. I got up earlier and walked there. (I lived in Mile End). It was a nice walk along the canal for a while and then a not so nice walk through smog and traffic, but I didn't mind. I took my lunch outside on the remaining docks. And finally, I got up so early that I arrived an hour before work began.

I spent this hour in a Cafe. Alone. Having breakfast. I loved this hour. I sat there, as the only one not rushing in, getting their "strong capo", beeping their card against the reader and rushing out. I observed the grey and black dressed stream of people. I day dreamed.

It helped - for a while. It was a band aid before I left London all together and moved to Berlin. But most of all, it is a uniquely calm and joyful experience. It decelerates you. The boheme in Paris or Prague has long figured this out. Sit in a cafe. Enjoy a coffee or a glass of wine. Look at people. Daydream. Reflect, be enough - there's a lot to it.

I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. Be alone, without even a possibility of connecting (apart from the old-fashione way of talking to an actual human being). People used to do this y’know? Back then.

When I take a picture, I get the luxury of immediately see what I got. When I wanted to hear some music, I can search it up, and hear an entire album in a question of seconds.

It's an incredible privilege to do that, but at the same time, we got so used to speed, that pausing can be new for us.

This year I had the opportunity to travel to Europe and just sit in a café, sipping coffee, just observing, and it also felt new and different for me.

I shot with an analogue camera because I enjoy the feeling of waiting for the results, not being able to see the results at the split of a second.

This blog resonates with me because I've been feeling I want to pause more, to create more memories, to be in the moment. I should go to a café without phones and a notepad.

I found myself annoyed.

I thought to myself "Are paragraphs a renewable resource? Is it wrong to waste them?"

It doesn't matter.

In neuroscience, there is a thing called the "default mode network" which is best known for being active when a person is not focused on anything in particular. The mind is awake, but at rest, like when you're daydreaming, bored, and have no goal oriented tasks. All sorts of neat stuff happens in this network, things like "shower thoughts", self reflection, autobiographical memories, thoughts about future goals and events, trying to figure out the people in your life -- their desires, intentions, emotions and thoughts. In boring situations like when I'm on the bus, or waiting in line for something, I'll spin it as an opportunity to spend time with the ole' default mode network. It's a good time observe people around you, as they're often completely engrossed in their devices. Occasionally I'll seek out other folks who are also chilling in the default mode network, and we'll sometimes share a knowing look.

All this time, I would intentionally forget my phone at home and all my notifications except calls were turned off.

EDIT: I must say having a dog made a lot of difference, I don't know if I would feel the same being just alone. That might be an experiment for another time :-).

I suspect this depends on the location, given this contrast. It seems the Author might be from Delaware, USA? I haven't been to any coffee shops there. Maybe this is an exception? Of interest, it does not match my experience in coffee shops elsewhere on the East Coast (Va, NC, Mass for example). Not my experience in various European countries as well.

> They are designed as meeting spaces. There is no table with a single chair.

I'm so confused by this, because every cafe I've ever been to is full of people there alone. It seems to almost be the default, honestly.

That's why it was so nice when I recently found a nice little mom-and-pop cafe that was quiet. I can't remember if there was music, but if there was, it was very quiet. Again, my partner was at a meeting, but this time I just sat and enjoyed my latte with no damage to my ears. I probably did look at my phone a few times. :)

I'm probably an above averagely anxious person, but after a few trips without disaster, it becomes a non issue.

OP is considering going off social grid as they understand it ... OK, dumping doom-scrolling and sitting in a cafe alone and being obviously alone and then looking around and noticing things.

That sort of "interaction" used to be normal. Having a billion people within ear shot was not normal until about 15 years ago.

Some venues are really just not designed for solo travelers. You have all these couples and social groups having fun with each other and then the tables they give to social travelers don't tend to be the nicest.

This is annoying if you are hungry and not looking to get another fast food meal. But fast food restaurants are of course perfect for solo travelers otherwise. And there are lots of restaurant types that serve decent food in a bit informal setting where eating by yourself is not that weird. Other good options include hotel restaurants. Because hotels tend to have lots of solo travelers. The bigger the city, the easier it is to find nice places to eat by yourself generally.

Cafes are easier. Lots of people go there to have a coffee by themselves, work, read, or whatever. It's normal. The venue might not like the sub optimal use of tables though. But if it's not too busy and you tip well, they typically don't mind people staying for a few hours and perhaps reading or working on a laptop. I do this a lot.

I don't drink alcohol anymore and getting drunk by yourself in a bar can be a bit weird. Though depending on the bar, it's perfectly normal to have a drink by yourself of course. These days I tend to like to sit down after a day of sight seeing to have a few cold alcohol free beers. Lots of places where this is perfectly normal.

I've been traveling solo for a few decades. I can be quite social but I'm also fine not talking to people for days/weeks when traveling. It's not for everyone. I tend to prefer booking apartments and self catering these days. Going to restaurants for dinner is expensive and not really worth it to me by myself. But I'll have coffees, light lunches, and other beverages.

What used to feel like 10 minutes between breakfast and lunch while working became a full-blown day. Even though I was spending two hours walking my dog instead of a 30-40 minute rush, it felt like an eternity"

My dog has a way of slowing down time, although he won't tell me how. I think as humans we know what we expect from this other species, but they have a way of reorganizing the walk to suit themselves. I do it largely to bond with my best bud and get some exercise. He on the other hand goes out to catch up on doggy social media, with endless sniffing and donating further smells. Every walk is different - the route's the same but the sensory part is constantly changing. All this takes place, silently. We go back home satisfied but I know my boi gets the most satisfaction from it!

> I decided to leave my phone at home

I used to do this too but soon I realized I wanted my phone for payments (say, coffee) and/or unlocking public bikes (like Lime).

Now I have 2 phones: - Phone A with my SIM, internet, payment cards, but unlogged from any internet account - Phone B, no SIM, usually connected to Phone A via hotspot, with email, messaging apps, logged into hacker news and everything.

When I want to take an offline walk/ebike-ride I only bring Phone A with me.

Another thing to try is to go to a diner alone. Same deal.

I sit alone in cafes all the time, for many reasons. I don’t feel particularly joyful about it nor weird. I just do it to take a break and have something to drink, or wait for someone or something. Often I don’t look at my phone at all. That doesn’t feel weird either, or rebellious, or whatever the author experiences.

I don’t understand the post at all.

I’d have gone to Japan. I’ve been to Japan, it’s awesome.

A decade ago I was working a boring job paying the bills in a small company. I honestly felt that despite being financially safe I was wasting my life. I didn't believe in the company mission and I wasn't gaining new skills. I was bored out.

I went to a cafe every morning for 30min BEFORE my actual job. I did whatever I wanted, meaning reading, writing, jolting down ideas, being productive or not, but the point was it was MY time to think.

This is so basic. I went with a notebook, a pencil, paid 2€ every morning for a basic black coffee... but what was special was having a dedicated time and place regularly to just inch at it, whatever "it" might be for me.

Well, fast forward ~10 years and I'm HYPED. I'm so excited pretty much every morning that I can't help for the next day to work on more interesting projects.

TL;DR: yes, go to the cafe, alone, for yourself.

Drifting is a way to push all that feedback in the background. It does not necessarily have to be a staycation at a cafe. It can be a walk in a park, a morning jog with a friend who's comfortable with your silence, a book reading session in the twilight. We need to slow down and relax to truly appreciate the pace of life, and drifting is such an awesome way to do it. Lovely post. It reminded me of good times in the past, and that I need to make time for them in future.

There is nothing wrong with it.

I think that many people feel like their lives suck in some way that they can't define or explain, and they want something to blame it on, and their phone is an excellent target. It's relatively new. Of course it's the source of recent problems. It's CONVENIENT. You can do something about it by simply not looking at it.

Your phone is not the source of any of your problems.

Fresh out the gate just wrong and confused.

It was absolutely glorious. I got to think my own thoughts, get bored, get into conversations with random people.

I should do it more often.

When I discovered the whole "doing things alone" stuff a decade ago, it felt like a pressure was lifted off me. It's been good. It brings me extra joy when I take people to places that I frequent as well, it just feels like I'm introducing them to my own little spots. Hope you enjoy more of it!

In that situation I can usually last about 5 minutes before my brain says write that thought down, you'll forget it so forcefully that the bath gets cut short. Rampant unmedicated ADHD has a lot to answer for. So I can second the physical writing recommendation, if only because having a laptop in the bath is a really stupid idea.

Also, the reason people feel comfortable with dogs is because, you don't need to act or talk in way to impress the dog, while technically not being alone. You don't get this freedom while being with people, unless you are the boss of the gang. The lack of freedom is usually offset of by the benefit of sharing, laughs and a feeling that you have achieved your goal of impressing others.

My thinking is clearest when I am not working. It tends to be when I am: - Seated in a neutral place - My inbox is closed - There are no tasks to work on - I am free to think It feels like I am not doing anything, but often I’m making decisions I won't regret.

I think of it like this: - Input (reading, meetings, slack, other activities) - Output (creating, writing, executing) - Integration (doing nothing but thinking) Most calendars are packed with no time for the third.

Do you leave space for this? How do you make sure it’s not taken up by work? ~

Certainly not with pen and paper. Lol that skill gone these days can't write a sentence I can read later.

  On the second day, I decided to leave my phone at home, so 
  I lived those two hours to the fullest. I didn’t take any 
  device that could connect me to the internet or to other 
  people.

i used to leave my copy of the weekend FT or the economist at one and there were people who would wait for me to be finished with it. others would have been reading it for months without knowing i was the one who supplied it.

friends knew where to find me and could show up and sit at my table for a bit on their way places. covid policies killed most of those cafes in my city, and nothing can replace a multi decade family run restaurant that anchored a neighbourhood. its part of why i don't forgive what happened. it was my culture they dismantled in their hysteria. i am glad nature is healing and younger people are learning how to be welcome and open to the serendipity of participating in the city. i was worried i was the last of the boulevardiers. get a book, turn off your phone, dont look at the prices and just sit somewhere for a while, eat and drink as much as you enjoy, and just be a quiet pleasant presence. the world rewards it.

Not at all. I've never been a huge cafe person, so I don't have much firsthand experience with this, but I do recall a time before laptops and cell phones when people would go to cafes to just read the newspaper or a magazine. Heck, some cafes even had the daily paper there for you to borrow if you wanted.

This is good enough for me. Yeah I have a family and a son, but I enjoy sitting alone with a cup of coffee (doesn't have to be in a Cafe), programming my own project.

As the article hints, sitting in a crowded place sometimes actually REDUCES distraction, because those white noise around me reduces the need to pull out my cell phone. I think I always perform better in such an environment.

  > There were a few moments I put  my hand into my pocket to take out my phone to look up something I was curious about. My phone wasn’t there.

That is the level that smartphone addiction is on. Literally ruining peoples lives.

- None of my colleagues, and nobody in any of my social circles, would ever be seen dead there

- You meet the best people, everyones really nice

- Nobody judges anybody, we're all just there go get a bit pissed, lots of people socialising, some people are there doing a crossword, I'm just a guy sitting on my laptop coding, nobody cares

- I can focus better with lots of background noise

- Cheap beer

If you've not tried it, try it!

Because at the same time they themselves sound entrenched in it by making an effort to take a step back and appreciate something as simple and normal as sitting alone in a cafe.

What is that exactly? A cup of percolator coffee with a double shot of espresso into the cup? Or a long black (a double shot of espresso filled up with hot water) plus two extra espresso shots? Or just a long black expressed in a complicated way?

That isn't alone though. People are anxious to sit alone in a cafe because they think it's weird being all alone. But when you're with a dog - it's a different story.

Some of my most interesting moments have come from simply sitting still and doing nothing.

Highly recommended.

Very well written title though.

Go listen :)

It's everyone else with the incessant noise; non-stop music; speaker/video calls; and now AI talking back to you via phone. Speakerphones are the worst, I cannot believe we normalized having a two way conversation via speakerphone while holding it up to your ear.

I used to enjoy nature and just sitting and staring, with portable bluetooth speakers and phones blasting music, I can't do that anymore. I used to enjoy the library and just sitting, reading whatever random facts I could find. Last couple times I went, I was yelled at to mind my own business by people when I asked them to take their phone conversations to the lobby. So I went to another library, librarians were loud and several meetings via Teams were going on by different people.

Local rail trails are similar, I can't just take a walk in peace and quiet anymore. Honestly, removing the 3.5mm port is when I started noticing when it all got worse.

This reminds me of a experience that I encountered in my own life that i wish more people felt when explaining. I am not the best at telling stories but i will try to keep it short.

There was a time i lived in Florida for a few years and it was joyous i must say. I love nature and Florida sure does have that to offer, ignoring the politics and the obstacles that take the joy out of Florida. I visited many national parks, exploring animals That i have never seen before that are native to that region, i cant put into words how wonderful it is to see some of these animals living in their habitat going about their business. One thing that stuck out was when i was walking a trail and came across a small box turtle crossing a trail and i picked up to see it not thinking of why it might be crossing away from water, first i thought doesn't thing need to be around water shortly after i realized that it does not " it is a box turtle". I returned the turtle a little further away from where i originally picked it up and sat on a near by bench to watch it continue it's journey. As i sat down the turtle continued to stare at me at disgust as to how dare i touch it and move it from its original location. From there i see the turtle continue walking and returned to the same exact path it was already going before it's interruption from the degenerate up right ape evolved clothed creature , myself. i think about that everyday because despite all of it's interruptions it ignored all of that and continued the slow path towards its goal. At times I think we really don't understand the world nor the reality that is around us, some more than others, some due to the influx of societies pressure that are at times blinders for a horse to on one path.

Same goes for not caring about what people in think when you're trying to work on your health and go to a gym.

I don't know, it just feels really bad, no one wants to be treated badly, it's that simple. But if you can manage to find a good spot where it just works out for you, treasure/keep that.

Solitude is precious when it is done with purpose.

"It was pure delight. Every element. Or rather, the non-existence of any element. No phone. No headphones. No tablet. No laptop." I believe I can do this anywhere.

They talk about interactions with people in the cafe but it is primarily avoiding interactions.

I love lingering in cafés. In the summer, I bike from café to café, catching up with my reading and slowly getting to a productive state. I'll do a bit of reading for work, maybe annotate some articles, eventually open my laptop, and if I'm lucky meet friends along the way. I often leave at 9 and come home at around midnight.

If I'm feeling lazy, I just do it on my balcony. Spending the first hour of the day just gathering your thoughts does wonders for your wellbeing. This winter, I created a space for this inside too. I recently got a nice stereo and I put easy listening music on it while I have my morning coffee. No phone, no emails, just me, my thoughts and a warm drink.

When I travel, I do the same. I sketch and make watercolours on the go. I've done this in dozens of countries, and not once have I got the impression that being on your own in a café was odd. What a weird take.

Very related: https://tomaguir.substack.com/p/how-to-waste-a-morning-prope...

Solution: I bring along a flask and use the paper cup as a cup and flask as cache. Means I lose the discount offered on byo but doesn't matter.

Grating.

> I smiled. Every. Single. Time.

> On the second day, I randomly walked into a neighborhood café. I ordered an americano with a double shot of espresso.

And then I paid for the coffee with my pho- oh fuck.

This is written not by a human. Because almost every other coffeeshop has tables with a single chair.

There are three classes of people likely to be found alone:

  * Geniuses.
  * Psychopaths.
  * Psychopathic geniuses.