I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garden I spoke to a man who was excitedly looking for a few specific plants. He is a botanist (amateur? professional? unclear) and I enjoyed sharing in his passion for a moment. Then I saw a maintenance guy moving with great intention who took a moment to ask me and my family if we had a nice time. We did, and I asked him about the papers in his hand. “Gotta get approval for this purchase request asap.” He said. We talked a bit about how nice it is to work at such a beautiful place.

I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it.

I've had to spend week and a half battling Gmail daily email account limits sending batches of 500 emails just to notify people in her address book, receiving hundreds of responses. Her memorial was attended by hundreds of people.

It served her very well in her chosen career of real estate sales, although I think she'd might have done really well in community organizing or even politics where those skills are also very useful.

On the flip side, it was sometimes difficult to be there as family wanting some attention, since her bright light was always shining in many directions.

I've inherited just some of that talent, and I think it is a talent, but trainable.

I miss her already.

A few shopkeepers waved through their windows as I went past, the greengrocer came out of his shop to have a quick chat, the dry cleaner asked after my dog, and the guy from the household shop told me they have more of the cleaning paste I use. We bumped into a couple of folk I see every couple of weeks, then got a coffee and I paid the “special” rate rather than the rate on the sign that they charge people they don’t know.

My colleague said - half jokingly - “I didn’t realise you were mayor”, and tried to convince me that I should go into local politics. She couldn’t understand when I said that would take all the pleasure out of it, because talking to people would become transactional rather than joyous.

I can’t imagine not talking to people. A while back I changed the route I take when I walk my dogs each day, and the guy who runs the local fish stall started asking people if I had left the area or died. I don’t buy fish from him each week- but every time I see him stop and we have a chat.

I feel incredibly lucky to be missed by my fishmonger just because I started walking my dogs a different route.

I grew up in a tiny village in the country. The building I live in has hundreds of people living in it, compared to the few dozen houses where I grew up. I think talking to people makes a huge city feel smaller.

The main ingredient, at least for me, was being determined enough to push through the discomfort. A lot of the early interactions were awkward, sometimes overtly uncomfortable, but that's an unavoidable part of the learning process (and I took a key lesson from it - it's okay to look like a dork, usually it's only our inner critic that turns it into an immortal sin).

Nowadays I feel a pang of sympathy when I see someone feeling shy or speaking in self-deprecating terms. I remember how that felt, and I remember how easy it would have been to have stayed inside that box for the rest of my life.

Glad I didn't.

When I’m speaking to someone in a service role, like a waiter, a cashier, or a salesperson, I remind myself that I’m just one of hundreds of people they interact with that day. To them, I’m simply another brief interaction. So if I say something awkward or if the conversation doesn’t flow perfectly, it’s not a big deal. It’s probably just one small, forgettable moment in a long series of conversations they will have that day.

Thinking about it that way helps me relax and not put so much pressure on myself. At the same time, some of the most meaningful or unexpected opportunities can come from simple conversations with strangers. You never really know what a small interaction might lead to, whether it is a new connection, a new perspective, or even an open door you did not see before.

The most positive effect it has had on me is to make me enjoy even more deep conversations with my friends.

Thing is, if normal people don't talk to strangers anymore, then only the weirdos are left, reinforcing the idea that only weirdos talk to strangers...

I think this should be a key point here, for people motivated by curiosity. I don't seek out conversations with strangers, but when they happen I lean heavily into this aspect.

My pro-tip for talking to strangers is to talk about them; ask where they're from, what they do, how their job works, and so on... They are usually more than happy to carry the conversation, they feel like they're being appreciated for being interesting, and you learn so much.

As a throwaway example, I found out from someone at a bar that composing music specifically for movie trailers is a business in itself, and the creators do not even know what movie or what trailer their music will be used for. They get direction, they deliver the music, and usually only find out when the trailer is released. Isn't that interesting?

And if they ask about you, even easier, you get to feel interesting instead!

I was always very uncomfortable socializing growing up and still am, but just like with anything, it gets easier with practice. (Alcohol helps too, if that's an option!)

I won't say I have conversations with strangers like that all the time, but it is 100% possible, and a lot of people really do appreciate it if you bother to talk to them. People often like being asked about themselves (I used to do cultural anthropology research so I have had quite a bit of practice too...).

There are of course reasons why it doesn't always work or becomes awkward. For example, gender is a factor - a significant part of the population is much more comfortable having same-sex conversations with strangers - not to mention other sociological factors around race, class, nationality, all the obvious things.

I just love it, it’s easy and I get a lot in return - from perks to incredible encounters. At work it’s been very helpful.

I developed that skill while traveling alone for a year , and it boils down to practicing and reading whether the person you’re talking to is ok with your talking or not.

In any case, it makes me immensely happy.

My 13 year old is the opposite. He is always telling me that I talk too much to "strangers" and that "people don't to that". I'm assuming he means his peers.

I remember going to a motel (they actually had cabins) to reserve a place for relatives coming into town. The owner was a nice guy, and he ran the whole place himself.

I took the girlfriend with me, drove over and we walked over to talk to him. As I started the conversation, you could see he took pride in his place and he was a garrulous guy with sort of a twinkle in his eye.

"How much will this cost?!" the girlfriend blurted out.

All of a sudden the blossoming conversation ground to a halt, as he put his hand on the back of his neck and started thinking about what a cheap room would go for.

We talked about it later, sort of like "I think we were all starting to form a relationship at the start of the conversation, and we lost an opportunity"

I think all of us have these opportunities to form a relationship with lots of people we interact with every day, and we can allow it or deny it.

Some of the best conversations I've had started by me asking or telling someone something in a awkward or overly simplified way at first. It takes the pressure off of both of you and a more natural conversation takes place as you both work to get on the same page, which takes time and leads to more conversation.

In the past I'd think of the perfect sentence with little nuances and edge cases covered in that sentence to what I was trying to convey, which would result in no real conversation to even take place.

Of course you will run into people who are unfriendly and won't receive this well but overall it's lead to more pleasant and natural conversations.

Unsure of what a lot of people in this thread are talking about, they have been misled into believing some very antisocial things and do not seem pleasant. Perhaps it is best they stay inside and do not talk to anyone.

I am not an old british lady or a 7ft tall underwear model / pro athlete, I'm just some dude. The closest thing to a change I've experienced is having to be more proactive about smiling or demonstrating that I am not what others have very legitimate cause to fear as of recent. That sucks a lot and makes me quite sad.

Not saying bad things don't happen, but I've certainly never worried about violence up until recently. Unspoken social contracts are being broken by people who have not considered the consequences, my heart breaks for them and what will have to happen next.

The world is much smaller than you realize. If 90% of everyone was crooks or criminals, you would not be posting that shit right now, because you would not be alive. They don't do that because it's bad for business. A lot of what is happening right now is predicated on the concept of there being some amount of business that is okay to lose in exchange for... problematic ideals. Business will win

When I asked about him, he mentioned he’s Irish but moved on to tell me about his plans. How he was saving to have a farm, planned what to grow, animals - 15m of quite precise description. His story was his future.

This was striking for me - when asked most people tell you about their past, where they’re coming from. It was the first time I realised that where we’re going should be a bigger part of our story and identity.

I try to keep that conversation in mind as a lesson, and as a reminder to talk to people around.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Issue

People, in most part, are good. Some are really quite lovely such that it reminds me of Bilbo's birthday speech:

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve"

We are in a public forum afterall and we are all strangers here. I'm always happy when random person sends me an email.

It's all nice to imagine everyone talking to each other, but the reality is that in (western?) society, we have kinda collectively decided that socialisation is to be avoided. Either it's too weird, too boring, or too unsafe. I mean have you tried randomly talking to people? Most don't seem very open to it.

Also it doesn't help that the little "pretext" scenarios that can lead to socialising are being systematically eliminated from our lives.

And finally, if you're neurodivergent or otherwise aren't perfectly typical, enjoy people thinking you're weird anyway.

my story is me and my wife moved to another country a few years ago for my study. after 4 months moving there, she already know and conversed with the people working the apartment and some neighbors. while i mostly just exchanged cursories and nods and glances. then one day we just walked out together and the same people i passed earlier just says hello and converse and stuff with my wife and me. yes she's very much an extrovert but i can see people are way 'more open' and my wife has that too. me on the other hand do have 'i don't want to bother you so please don't bother me' vibe.

Talking to your fellow humans in all sorts of situations is how you can form actual knowledge within yourself derived from direct observation. Everything else is a filter and synthesis. How can you know "reality" if you don't interact with it directly?

Didn't catch on, though. Setting up events turned out to be too prohibitive. If this interests anyone feel free to contact me at contact [at] eventful [dot] is

[0] https://blog.eventful.is/p/the-perfect-dating-app

Learn a few words in a variety of languages. They are great conversation starters / expanders – I made a lot of actual friendships by talking to people (after taking their orders), asking them where they’re from, and then knowing a few words in their language. Nothing makes people happier than hearing someone speak their native language, no matter how poorly.

This was in a university town, so knowing a couple words in Chinese, Arabic, Hindi, etc. was useful.

Some people are not into that, don't suspect it or don't know how to handle that. Like half of this comment section, I really read some cringe comments here about how people don't want to be talked to. To them I can only say: don't worry, I see/feel from miles away that you don't want to be talked to. And even then, I might say 'hi' to you, just to gauge what happens. ;)

For me, it's okay if people don't say anything back. That's not even the point. I want to share a little positivity with the world (when I'm in the mood) and 90% of reactions are either a big smile back, a little nod or even a small conversation. There's nothing for me to 'win' (as a lot of commenters seem to think is the point); thinking in these terms makes it a business transaction.

I found out that especially elderly people are way more open to these things. Also, people who don't seem open to it (probably going through a bad time) might actually surprise you with a warm and welcome smile. These little interactions taught me to not judge a book by it's cover, give a little without expecting anything in return, and just knowing that you made somebody smile who needed that.

So if you think this article is something you want to try, but you're a little afraid thinking about whole conversations and stuff, just start with greeting random people. Don't see it as a transaction, just see it as age old human behavior (which it is). If you have a hard time reading social clues, this also might be a good way to practice that a bit.

Most of them are unbearably boring, and they need to resort to alcohol and professional sports just to have anything to talk about in the first place.

Bring up ECDSA and suddenly you may as well have just beamed down from a spaceship.

I hope more and more people do not continue to believe that, there is so much good out there in the world and we all have to engage it or we're just letting the low trust side win and life becomes a lot less because of that. Everyone already into chatting for chatting sake now and then, please continue to do so. You're doing a world a huge service. The rest not, come join us, the water feels great!

Later I realized this is wrong on my part, talking is all about talking, let the vibe continue and don't let it die.

Even when people seem nice I generally keep a distance as I have to analyse them slowly instead of relying on social cues. I do pick up cues but processing them is not subconscious. My subconscious is not as generative and acts more like a buffer for conversation, so all the talking I do subconsciously has to be placed there beforehand instead of generating it with subconscious heuristics.

It doesn't seems...fair...and, again, says a lot about society.

joke or not (actually not) but read some women spaces and it's obviously a lot of people, especially women, just want to be let alone. Don't start talking with random people unless they start talking to you and it's consensual, simple as that.

Something I learned from being around a few outgoing friends over the years, the easiest way to start a conversation is to ask questions. Even if you already know the answer, it breaks the ice and let's them do the talking. Don't know what to say next? Ask another question.

I know the article's advice is to take a chance, and if I scare someone else so be it. But something about that feels wrong to me.

Growing up in a conservative, religious household outside the US, there was no support for slow processors, and those who didn't fit the dogma were simply told to 'shut up.' The more you were forced to shut up, the more you closed off. Since this was before the internet, self-help tools were non-existent. I really wish the coaching tools and protocols we have today had been available back then. It wouldn't have changed everything, but it would have given me the tools to manage many situations that I simply couldn't handle at the time.

And yes, I agree with the headline... talk to people, anyone, everyone. Maybe you’ll get help, or maybe you just go for it—because regardless of any embarrassment you face now, you may find yourself proud of that courage decades later.

PS: Improved with AI

Shamefully my tourist-shields were at maximum after experiences in Morocco/Ethiopia and similar, and many people I ignored and kept walking as fast as I could.

Eventually I found myself in a conversation I couldn't easily escape from and I realised... they're just being friendly. They were all just being friendly. I spoke to dozens afterwards and had nice little chats, with no motives, no scams, no sales, no brothers-uncle's shop that I must visit.

(I did get scammed in the taxi though, by someone who didn't make conversation :) )

I've had three long and very memorable conversations on internaltional plane flights in the past, with three extremely interesting and intelligent people. I don't tend to take those flights anymore, they were for work and the novelty of international travel for work wore off. Now I get out of it whenever I can.

But those three conversations have stayed with me.

Hmmmm.

People are compartmentalized into groups hating on each other. They're afraid of committing wrong-think and getting labelled, branded, attacked. They prioritize people who aren't there (online people, like you and myself) over those who are.

It's especially interesting from my perspective, because in Vienna we still have some sort of KaffeeHaus-Kultur. CoffeeHouse culture. You can sit there for hours, reading your book, with a coffee and it does not matter, unless the space is really needed.

It's very common to just chat with whoever runs the place at that moment, too. A sense of familiarity is part of the job. For regulars, like myself, the coffee house turns into a second living room:

We people there started talking to each other.

When I was a teenager, many years ago, I had a coffeehouse for table-soccer. It wasn't a club, or association. It was a coffeehouse with table soccer, with gatherings of players.

...

I guess my tangent meant to point at the need for both general, or specialized, "social hubs", where regularly appearing people silently agree to, eventually, getting talked to.

Not like a club. Clubs are too much commitment, causing resistance.

When I asked about him, he mentioned he’s Irish but moved on to tell me about his plans. How he was saving to have a farm, planned what to grow, animals - 15m of quite precise description. His story was his future.

This was striking for me - when asked most people tell you about their past, where they’re coming from. It was the first time I realised that where we’re going should be a bigger part of our story and identity.

I try to keep that conversation in mind.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Issue

Most people are in headphones and give weird looks if you try doing small talks. I find it's easier to talk with older people.

Most important line in this article. People will always find an excuse (and i'm including myself in this at times) but that is all it is, an excuse. Talking to people is what makes us human and its innate. You might not be the best conversationalist or whatever but you can still talk to people, no need to put any pressure on it.

Not everyone wants to talk but you can pick up on that pretty quickly.

Respect people's boundaries please. Don't force yourself on people unless they're obviously willing participants.

People put extroversion/introversion as like this binary, permanent thing that cannot be changed. In reality I think it is a spectrum that changes throughout the day and the situation. Someone might be introverted at 8am on their commute, but a wild extrovert at 9pm in the bar. Don't assume, don't try to "help" people you know nothing about.

I'm glad for people who don't struggle with this, I just wish they would be more empathetic.

I wonder if anyone who did this had to start from a baseline of feeling this is straight up weird (I'm pretty sure it is weird in my culture).

I was someone who was raised home schooled and it really altered my ability to communicate with my peers, which was something I had to really work on later in life. It surprises most people who know me when I tell them this, as I'm a pretty outgoing / gregarious person these days. It was a deliberate choice on my part, and I likely overindexed on it, leading to me now being highly social.

For those looking to do the same, I'll offer my own advice: how you engage socially depends on how large the audience is.

Small audiences (1-2 people):

If you don't know them: your goal should be to get them to smile without feeling threatened. A lot of people fail at that last part. Don't give someone a compliment like, "I like your pants" out of the blue - it may threaten them that you have alterior motives ("Are they attracted to me?", "Do they just like how my butt looks in these pants?"). Reframe compliments in a way that isn't threatening - ask them something instead like, "Hey weird question, but can I ask what brand those pants are? I want to get my sibling a birthday present and I think they'd really like those". It shows you see them as positive without it being a threatening interaction.

If you do know them: your goal should be to be interested in what they are saying. Find the topic that will stimulate your mind / get you excited to hear them talk more about it. Don't just gamify it and try to get them to talk more than you talk; that's an easy way to make yourself not look genuine. Dig and find gold - everyone has somethinig cool to say, it's your job to find that.

Medium audiences (3-8 people):

Be the facilitator. Don't butt in to get your own voice heard, butt in to segue to others who haven't had their voice heard. "Omg thats crazy X, hey Y you recently had something similar happen right?". Keep the flow going. Your goal should be to make everyone else feel like they've found gold in the conversation with new and interesting nuggest on a regular basis.

Large audiences (9-30 people):

These are basically meetings, and are the worst possible social interaction. Your goal should be to make these as smooth as possible and end them quickly so you can break to smaller sizes. Present facts clearly without emotion, keep things on topic so you can move past them.

Presentations (30+ people):

With this size you do the reverse of the prior size - the facts don't matter at all. Your goal should be to present emotions, not facts. Don't tell people what the % YoY growth is. Control how they should feel about the % YoY growth. This is the biggest #1 failure I see from inexperienced presenters - they aim to just present the info. People can read the info later - convey to them the emotion they should take away from the data. On every slide you have you should have a goal emotion, and you should reflect that emotion in your presentation. Look at any great presenter and you'll notice the same - they have the audience's emotions in their hands.

Do I lean over and say, "Hi, how are you guys doing? Really good coffee they have here, huh?"

I'm at the gym. It's a big-box gym. It's full of dudes wearing Airpods Max, a few couples in skintight athletic outfits, a few teens with phones on tripods filming themselves for Tiktok.

Do I come over, gesture for them to take off their headphones, and say, "Hi, how are you guys doing? That's really good form, on that lift, really good form. Keep it up!"

I'm waiting to cross a road. On the other side of the road is a Caltrain crossing. The traffic light cycle takes forever, and then the train comes and preempts it. And then preempts it again when people finish getting on. A crowd of parents with strollers are waiting to cross. People are returning from the farmer's market with bags of vegetables. People on bikes.

Do I lean over and say, "Hey, how are you guys all doing? It sure takes a while to cross. Wow!"

TLDR: Small talk seems to be of trivial importance and to require minimal effort. Neither of this is true. Therefore, there is no shame in cultivating one's smalltalk muscle and being more prepared for it

It gives me anxiety lmao you will have better time with hobbies.

Because of this I do nicotine. Is this healthy? Probably not.

His anger brewed for a few minutes and he decided he wanted to fight me, so he menacingly stood up. I remained seated and told him to sit down. He ended up grabbing me by the throat, while no-one around did a thing to stop him.

It’s made me think twice about interacting with random people, tits or no tits. But I doubt I’ll learn anything from it and continue with reckless abandon, because life is mundane otherwise.