I told him about building wireless moisture sensors and putting them in my houseplants. When the master controller, written in FORTH, senses one is too dry, it lights up an LED telling me which one should be watered.
He asked me why FORTH. I told him, "If it's good enough for deep space probes, it's good enough for houseplants."
Then everyone else showed up and I haven't had to speak to him again.
> THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18a: FIFTH
> ....
> The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication and financial status of its users. Commands in the ELITE dialect include VSOP and LAFITE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCH and RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers who end up using this language.