Let's set aside that there are deeper sociological reasons on why young people start with kids later in life. We are not giving enough weight to all of the pollutants that we are exposed to in society, and how they affect our bodies, health and lives.

I heard Dr. Shanna Swan talk recently about the effects of hormone disrupting chemicals on (male) infertility. It's dire stuff really.

She was on the podcast promoting a recent Netflix documentary called The Plastic Detox in which they intervene in couple's lifestyles to reduce the amount of plastics and the hormone disrupting chemicals (bisphenols, phthalates, etc) they are exposed to. I highly recommend it.

There's over 70 different hormones in the human body regulating all kinds of biological functions. Fertility is only one aspect but think about the adverse effects these chemicals might be having on body weight, our sleep cycle, blood pressure, stress, libido, etc. We are prescribed drugs for related ailments at record rates. Maybe we should take a step back and treat less and prevent more.

Many of my friends have gone through IVF and still I was surprised by some weird parts of the story.

For example: "I was stabbed with 932 needles" and when you tap you find out "because I wanted to improve my odds, I went to 31 acupuncture appointments, where 687 needles pierced my underbelly, legs and head".

It is clearly established that acupuncture is placebo, but beyond whether this placebo might actually improve the odds (highly disputed), it is an elective alternative procedure with unclear benefit, not part of a standard IVF journey.

I understand the story is a very personal one, but it would be good to remember it isn't necessarily representative of most people's experience.

- first, implement a nationwide social freezing program, where women in their 20s are offered to freeze their eggs at a young age for free. Such a large-scale program would probably also improve the tech and might make egg collection less intrusive.

- combined with this program, let the women who freeze their eggs opt-in into an egg donation program, where some of their eggs can be used by women with fertility problems

But as with many things fertility, seems that modern states simply do not have the capacity to seriously try anything. Who knows why that is.

> There were the 7 a.m. doctor’s appointments before work; the dozens of days working from home in order to take all my medications; and the many times I reshuffled my travel plans.

Yes I mean just wait until you have kids. It's gonna get tougher.

I didn't realize IVF was such a brutal process. 932 needles sounds like insanity, not to mention everything else. I'll carry a lot more compassion for those going through IVF going forward, and a lot more excitement for those able to concieve naturally.

My partner and I are currently going through a surrogacy process, and it's been a brutal multi year project that has had numerous setbacks. At this point we are just white knuckling our way forward.

I'm glad we as a society have these options available for those that need them, but man is it hard going through these processes.

It feels like this site is almost erasing the father from the IVF process.

My wife regularly observes that this hell of a journey looks more taxing on me than her. Which is probably true.

This process is hard on the fathers-to-be as well. We do exist, we want to have kids, we are heartbroken each time as well. We also have to be careful not to hurt our wives' feelings when expressing our grief and sorrow.

What I find most incredible about it is the number of women who experienced immensely painful procedures while conscious multiple times, and went back again and again, in order to have a child. And few of them, if any, regret it.

It is simultaneously one of the most impressive feats of modern science, and one of the most unfair burdens put on any section of the populace, that they were able to, and had to.

[0] https://www.nytimes.com/column/the-retrievals

IVF and IUI (and now, IVM) treatment cycles are largely handled by private clinics that receive funding from provincial governments and, by extension, federal. Even with first-class health insurance, from employers, and government grants (paid to the doctors) there are out-of-pocket costs (ex., vitamins, supplements, missed work time, medications, genetic testing, sperm washing...). In our case, after multiple years, our health insurance coverage has dried-up (~30,000 CAD) and our lifetime grant eligibility for IVF (one treatment cycle) has finished. We could have easily exhausted our financial resources, (ex., investments, pensions, re-mortgage, lines-of-credit...), but with less chance to conceive daily, it's a race of diminishing biology. The opportunity to conceive a healthy child has been erased by time.

This added to the emotional and social costs of not being able to have a child. In my field, I find colleagues to be judgmental of working adults without children. As if having a child of your own gives you this magical insight into working with children that childless adults do not posses. I've started answered the question: "Do you have kids?" by saying, "Not by my own choice." This hopefully communicates that I've tried, but at a certain point a decision had to be made about whether to continue.

My spouse has taken all of the physical toll of the treatments. The male's job is to provide a sample, see their doctor, and sign the paperwork. By contrast, my wife has had early morning or lunchtime appointments (in an effort to not miss work) 3-4 times per week during certain monitoring or pre-proceedure periods. She has been subjected to blood testing, hormone therapy, daily injections, invasive ultrasounds, bruising, repeated pharmacy trips. All this in addition to phone-calls to remind staff at our clinic what the doctor recommended or asking the clinic reception for confirmation of a certain prescription or guideline. Of course, she undertook all of these responsibilities while internalizing the trauma of our familial reality.

My partner is strong, resilient, and beautiful. I owe her more grace and more appreciation than I can ever give.

My daily reminder to myself is to remember that my partner are I are already a family. Our commitment to one another has not changed. Although our lives may look differently then we may have imagined, it will not be any less meaningful.

Dont have any kids. They reduce your freedom. I need to emphasize this.

To be fair, once I stopped having freedom, we went hard obviously.

If you already have 1, might as well go wild.

https://www.imf.org/en/publications/fandd/issues/series/anal...

https://www.ssa.gov/policy/docs/ssb/v66n4/v66n4p37.html

https://www.newsweek.com/americas-population-time-bomb-18987...

IVF is also no longer something that's only for older women. Younger couples from both sexes are starting to need it.

https://tulipivf.com/news/detail/397

https://thehill.com/opinion/healthcare/4727738-people-need-i...