for example, when talking about what happened, there are three stories - your story, their story, and the shared story. If you are a "nice" guy, you might not tell your story. If the other person is afraid of conflict, they might not share their story. You need to both be assertive/curious to get to discussing the this-is-what's-going-on shared story, like from a third person point of view. Then the discussion could get on track.